Being an old school soul for the longest period of my life, i failed to understand why people cheat someone they pursued and said they love. Do words have zero value in today’s world full of one-night stands, situationships? My core interest in human psychology got me curious to understand the mindset of a cheater, why do they cheat, do they have guilt later on, or do they not.
Cheating can be physical, emotional, and psychological, too, based on a human being’s needs and wants.
Often, the core issue with cheaters is a lack of integrity, accountability, and responsibility. Maybe something they have seen in their growing environment where the parents were neglectful and never took accountability for their actions.
While betrayal does hurt the receiver who has probably put trust and faith in the individual that they won’t hurt or harm them in any form.
What happens next is the scar that the recipient is left with for a few months, for few years. Had it happened that the individual had gone through a similar experience before and they had been informed to the individual about thr trauma and triggers, but the betrayer just didn’t bother and chose to repeat the pattern and cause harm, than it creates a sense of major self-doubt on the receiver end. they get in the loop of self-doubt, questioning their own judgments and decision-making abilities and may often look and seek validations from others before they actually start believing their own gut.
While the cheater continues living a free-flowing life with a new partner or new venture in business but the one who had put faith in them for emotions or money becomes cautious. There life starts getting slow in movement, they may seclude themselves from opening up or being vulnerable to others.
Since the cheater has played the act with intentionally will , the inside ego or the shadow side of them feels an ego boost, as they lack accountability they will choose the path of victimhood by demeaning the one who they cheated or name calling, in some instances they call the victim to be a mentally unstable psycho or desperate just to save thr ill intends and social image.
By this time, the next prey was already in place in the same cycle.
I remember dating an individual who was a chronic cheater we ended in very bitter note, and we happen to meet after more thn a decade in a public event. I realised, he still the same as before only difference is he now has a prey who became his wife officially he has no place to escape but inspite that he continues the same process. Surprisingly, the new prey are falling for his victimhood story.
We all need love, no doubt about it, but love when it comes in the form of manipulation isnt love its deceiving and a very cowardly act of mankind.
Do cheater change? Ah of the people I am aware of out of the 10 may be 1 or 2 changes who are self aware or have worked deeply around themselves with a strong sense of moving out of pattern.
I also have noticed the chronic playboy who has worked on themselves has been the most loyal partner to a woman post marriage, again its subjective and a lot to do with individual accountability.
Until the inner self doesn’t come to a place of ownership by owning own shit and try hard to change the habit or pattern, people remain in the same loop for years and cause harm to people knowingly.
Conscious efforts of changing take time, just like someone wants to move out of any form of addiciton. Cheating is also an addiction, which gives you high dopamine dose in the first win but after a point, its deeply rooted to loneliness and sadness, shame and guilt that the individual will be left with because your inner conscience will never let you be at peace.
So, if you have ever been betrayed in life, be in personal or professional, do a thorough background check, ask for their past breakup reasons, failed business patterns, and if you see they are in a blame game, run as far as you can. Because its always two for tango , tomorrow they may do same with you and later make another story citing ill about you.
Seek therapy, speak to a friend who feel safe, try EFT’s, read books , do things you love to heal because its the core to choose yourself. When you know you have lived and loved truly you shouldnt feel ashamed to hide when someone did wrong to you. forgive yourself for what went wrong and focus in moving ahead in life and take accountability of things be grateful for the good and leave what didnt work. Life is too big to focus on hurts given by people who were not worth waiting for.
Rebuilt your sense of self, make your self trust and confidence better and be with people who understand you have empathy rather than hanging with people who just tell you to shut off your emotions and move on. You can’t we all are human, and its important to feel the emotions and release rather than hiding under the carpet and act all is well. Once you have fully processed it feel the freedom and joy.
