It has been a while since i decided to write anything in the public domain, moved to a new place, and the new environment took some time to adjust but I did as i come close to my completion of 6months in this new city where i always wanted to be since a decade my craze and love for this city has been insane since long. Exactly an year back a mentor suggested me to watch Brene Brown’s video on Netflix on the power of vulnerability. Something truly shifted in my life both professionally and personally after using her tools in my day to day life. Life started becoming very effortless and easy. You must be wondering why i wrote the girl with a yellow bag. YELLOW represents Power and also is associated with the Solar plexus Chakra which is the energy centre for self-worth, passion, confidence etc, just like how mitochondria is the powerhouse of a cell.
Yellow offlate has been one of my fav colours these days next to marron. pink and green. Yes I moved from my old combination of balck, white and blue. An alteration in colour combination in the living space also brings so much change in life. Well so why i am writing today , may be because i felt like sharing alot of things open my heart and speak up my mind through my writing today.
I recently spoke to my best friend after ages , we both phased out long back you know adulting is hard and he than reminded me of what happened to experitales? I said it is dead i couldnt nurture it the way i thought it to be or i can say i lost interest as i couldn’t find a co founder with similar value system, tech knowledge who could help me execute and envision the things like i have in my mind. Many people in content space are simply copy pasting each others content and going on not with a purpose of the content nor a motive. I dislike the monetary aspect when we add it to someone’s passion project. Last time when i went to pitch for my idea i was bit bullied for not coming with the so called strategic formulas etc all i had was an idea from my heart and a soul calling to which i was trying to fuel to make it big but may be everything has its own time and pace to bloom. So, any of you reading if you know a kick ass Tech entrepreneur let me know :P. I had one but then he is running for his own start-up in race to make it a unicorn and I am sure he will after all ” GEMS ” are rare to find. Talking about my last Co founder i can never forget him for the fact he pushed my buttons to come out my cocoon and made me restart from scratch back to corporate life . May be almighty sometimes send people who come to fuel things and give the much-required thrust to re-ignite the engine.
The last inner work i did and connected to my core i realised the more we are honest with ourselves, the more we can be truthful to the world and people around us. My major fear throughout in life was to be vulnerable, i was raised in a way to be strong and always not to showcase emotions as sharing or being vulnerable is considered weak. I was way mature than people of my age since childhood, no controversy, no demands, no complaints always a good girl with no asks also during primary school. Until i was bullied in 6th grade which changed the entire trajectory of my life, I learnt to take a stand for myself and that continued till date. I always gave my heart soul and good intend to anything i do be writing, work etc.
A lot of moments came in my life where I couldn’t speak and became vulnerable in terms of my exact feeling and emotions at that time because i was afraid of rejection, hurting others with my words or maybe get abandoned after speaking my truth, so i compromised on many factors, i became a people pleaser in most of my bonds but slowly i realised inspite being good to all people leave, people betray, people blame and they play victim after doing wrong or often make big deal of small things which can be resolved with open communications and honesty and truthfulness. Gradually i have been vulnerable about myself, my thought process what are negotiable and non-negotiable for me and most importantly i learnt to have clear boundaries about everything and that helped me change a lot in life and brought so much peace and love i cnt even tell. I am so grateful that i learnt to implement it and the core of being vulnerable is to be assertive and firm about your core values and what you feel from the bottom of your heart. Vulnerability isn’t neediness until you trying to please or manipulate someone thats not vulnerability that’s called as victimisation to gain sympathy i dealt with a lot and have seen it in my own circle too, may be will write about it someday.
Everyone has a different coping mechanism, while growing up my coping mechanism was to cut off from everything and find a safe space to process my emotions be anger, pain, or hurt through writing or crying or shouting out loud alone without disturbing anyone. once i processed i came back to normalcy and communicate. While a few had an anger burst and then they get back to normalcy quickly that is thr coping mechanism we can’t label someone as a Runner or Chaser. It is just how our nervous system reacts and our life experiences that have made us the way we are here. Well, I cleared and left all old baggage off my shoulder and love this phase of my life the most, truly happy in my space where I feel safe, secure, seen, loved, appreciated, accepted, honoured, and respected and it all started when i did my deep inner child work, my shadow work and a lot of body exercises, watsu etc. Choosing to be vulnerable without overthinking or being fearful helped me a lot to be myself. Hope my writing will help to look within and know y0urself.
For the time being this is it, be fearless, be courageous, be vocal, and be opinionated of who you are because each of us is here to shine our light to the world and bring love and joy to the world.
